Rosy (![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} real_life_rosy) wrote,@ 2009-08-25 14:06:00 |
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musings
Which is more terrifying, to try the unknown or to dive into the untried but cherished?
The boss has pretty much confirmed that she'll be giving me a good number of hours, and that she's happy with my performance thus far. (I've pretty much finished the training in a week. so yeah. XD) I'm settling into the job. I'm not completely settled, but I'm confident that I will be. I've decided to give myself until the end of September before I started seriously focusing on what comes next. I don't want to be in Starbucks forever, nor do I plan to. But there are two possibilities that I am genuinely interested in, which will require some time and the money garnered from the barrista job.
The first possibility is fairly obvious: a master's degree. I've been eying an MFA in Creative Writing for a while. I have muses. Sometimes, like recently, they're quiet. That usually happens when I'm too stressed or in a Blue Funk. Sometimes, however, they grab a hold of me and burn through me like acid. Writing is a cornerstone of my life; it's my cheap therapy, my true means of creation and expression. I've never fully committed myself to it, though. I've never really finished an original manuscript. On some level, whenever I consider doing just that, I hear my mother's voice asking how I'll live doing that. I don't want to be rich and famous, but I do want to be able to live in the black, so to speak. And while I don't need a Master's to write, I can use it to get a job teaching on the college level as a steady paycheck. This, of course, would be followed by a PhD... but this terrifies me in many ways. Giving credence to what talent I may or may not possess. To put myself out there scares me.
The second possibility is no less terrifying. It's different, and a departure from my comfort zone. From the age of seven almost to sixteen, I talked about something in the medical field. ER doctor, pediatrician, anesthesiologist, forensic pathologist... the whole gamut. And then, in Senior year of HS... I bailed. I convinced myself that I didn't have the skills or the chops. I didn't have the confidence... and now that galls me. I think back and realize there was no reason I couldn't do any of those things. There are a few programs around here. Seton Hill has a Physician's Assistant program. There's a tech school that has a Patient Care technician program which can prepare me for the certification test to be a phlebotomist (that person who takes blood and tests it). And I'm intrigued by them.
So... the unknown or the untried? Both require me to step outside of my present comfort zone. Both require me to shuck some old mind sets I've got a month to think about it.
...and now... I'm going to make crepes for brunch.
Which is more terrifying, to try the unknown or to dive into the untried but cherished?
The boss has pretty much confirmed that she'll be giving me a good number of hours, and that she's happy with my performance thus far. (I've pretty much finished the training in a week. so yeah. XD) I'm settling into the job. I'm not completely settled, but I'm confident that I will be. I've decided to give myself until the end of September before I started seriously focusing on what comes next. I don't want to be in Starbucks forever, nor do I plan to. But there are two possibilities that I am genuinely interested in, which will require some time and the money garnered from the barrista job.
The first possibility is fairly obvious: a master's degree. I've been eying an MFA in Creative Writing for a while. I have muses. Sometimes, like recently, they're quiet. That usually happens when I'm too stressed or in a Blue Funk. Sometimes, however, they grab a hold of me and burn through me like acid. Writing is a cornerstone of my life; it's my cheap therapy, my true means of creation and expression. I've never fully committed myself to it, though. I've never really finished an original manuscript. On some level, whenever I consider doing just that, I hear my mother's voice asking how I'll live doing that. I don't want to be rich and famous, but I do want to be able to live in the black, so to speak. And while I don't need a Master's to write, I can use it to get a job teaching on the college level as a steady paycheck. This, of course, would be followed by a PhD... but this terrifies me in many ways. Giving credence to what talent I may or may not possess. To put myself out there scares me.
The second possibility is no less terrifying. It's different, and a departure from my comfort zone. From the age of seven almost to sixteen, I talked about something in the medical field. ER doctor, pediatrician, anesthesiologist, forensic pathologist... the whole gamut. And then, in Senior year of HS... I bailed. I convinced myself that I didn't have the skills or the chops. I didn't have the confidence... and now that galls me. I think back and realize there was no reason I couldn't do any of those things. There are a few programs around here. Seton Hill has a Physician's Assistant program. There's a tech school that has a Patient Care technician program which can prepare me for the certification test to be a phlebotomist (that person who takes blood and tests it). And I'm intrigued by them.
So... the unknown or the untried? Both require me to step outside of my present comfort zone. Both require me to shuck some old mind sets I've got a month to think about it.
...and now... I'm going to make crepes for brunch.